Yesterday my brother took me and my niece to get our haircut. My niece is 10 years old and she had a beautiful cut on her called the “stag” I think that is what it’s called. Anyway she looks beautiful, the cut is short in the back and longer in the front (similar to Rhianna’s if you will). My last haircut was in May and I just rebelled against getting it cut again. For 3 years I went to the same hairstylist. She was awesome, she loved doing hair and it showed. She has since started cutting hair at home which isn’t a problem. But the flexible hours at a salon makes getting my haircut so much easier. Anyway my hair was shorter in the front and longer in the back. My hair fell to the middle of my back and I have had it long for about 2 years.
After 4 months of not cutting it, my hair was a rat’s nest. I have curly, unruly hair but I always try to straighten it. Anyway 4 inches later (which isn’t much but in the back it was alot more then 4 inches off)with wet hair (she didn’t blow dry) and all one length hair which I never had in my life. I came home crying and feeling so afraid.
I couldn’t understand why my hair was a big deal. I am usually never attached to my hair, I am always more interested in trying new colors and styles to care about the effects of my hair. But last night I just stood there looking at the mirror crying. I couldn’t stop. I am 32 and am so beyond crying over these things. Well on second thought I am not haha. I realized after my brother and husband consoled me that it wasn’t my hair. Cutting my hair only made me realize the fear I have of other people looking at me and what they are thinking. So throughout this moment of defeat and realization. I glance over at my niece who is running her hands through her hair and shaking her head to watch all her golden locks fall right back into place and giggling. I thought If only I could have that confidence. She wasn’t worried about what other people thought. She only knew that she liked her hair so much and that was it. Then the light bulb clicked.
Life isn’t about worrying what may happen its about learning to appreciate what is happening. The victory isn’t having a beautiful haircut you love, it’s about loving yourself enough to know you can above everything else smile and let go of all the “judged perceptions” we throw on ourselves. Live to have the confidence for you, ran through my thoughts. When I have gone from blond hair to the darkest of browns I didn’t worry about what people thought I had the confidence to just go for it. It took my 10 year old niece to remember to love all of who I am and never ever let the fears of someone else’s judgement push me back.
So today I take all my perfectly imperfect flaws and embrace the true beauty of myself. So I write this running my hands through my hair and later I might just shake my head and watch all my brown golden strands fall right back into place (they couldn’t do that before the hair cut, ha!).
Ok so this whole blog idea is new to me. But I have to say I am intrigued to try this out and see what happens. I may just suprise myself. I am 32 years old. I am sure during my blogs you will find out that I am a over-zealous worrysome, obsessive compulsive woman, that refuses to accept my age. Now it isn’t that I think being 32 is old, but more simply that I want to enjoy life with no pressures of I should have children by this time frame, or do whatever life’s traditions may set upon me. I love breaking barriers, I enjoy taking the no you can’t to a yes I can. Unfortunetaly most of my motivation comes from that spitefullness or stubborness.
So why have a site dedicated to learning to let go of worries? Why think a site can help others with worrying if I am even worried to start this site? If the very words I am typing make me afraid to be exposed for the worrysome, scared, little girl inside, I may be? Well, because in my heart of hearts I always know I can, I know I will. What does that mean? It means through all the worry and through all the fear I know that I will stand at the other end and breathe a sigh of relief. The real victory is the glory of sharing the very fears and worry that you can overcome.
So this site is dedicated to the powering through, the fight we all face inside and out. The very reason we struggle to make clean decisions for ourselves, families, and friends. Welcome to the fight. Welcome to the place where you aren’t alone.
Together, singularly, shared, unshared, words or no words. You are here. The choice of how you move forward is yours. So whatever this fight looks like to you. Whether you would like to comment or share your worries. Whatever the reason you are here. Fight the fight with me and I will see you at the other side.